The Steps Were My Answer

On a February day, many years ago, I was living in absolute dread of going back to the bar.

Just a few weeks previous, I had marched into a saloon just off Hollywood Boulevard with the words, “gin & tonic” pursed on my lips—I was just six months sober.

In terror, I rushed home and prayed on my knees for God to help me. I had been going to lots of meetings and trying to figure out how to do the steps from the clubhouse walls.

I now realize that I was simply surviving on the fellowship which I have come to believe is untreated alcoholism. I had lots of untreated alcoholism, but on the other hand, if I wouldn’t have gone to lots of meetings I believe that I would have been drunk in short order.

Yet, what was my answer? The mental obsession was running rampart!

The answer came with a new sponsor named Carl who took me home and discussed Step One and asked if I believed that God could help me (Step Two); when I answered yes, we prayed the Third Step Prayer and at once had me begin a form of spontaneous (automatic) writing. I was told to go home and pray: “God help me I am doing my inventory.”

I was told not to scribble more than one word at a time and surprisingly: “Do not think!” If you think it doesn’t count—the words must come from the God who lives deep down within you.

At first nothing happened but all at once floodgates of un-thought truth began to pour on that paper.

In a few minutes, more honesty was imprinted than many weeks would have appeared from my good-keen-intellectual-mind. Of course, this was not Step Four, but it was good honest and reliable information to be used for Step Four!

My next visit with Carl resulted in doing Step Four, from the Big Book, then, directly afterwards, in Step Five, he helped me expound, and enlarge, on those blaring character defects so I knew immediately what dangerous character traits to ask God to remove in Steps Six and Seven.

Carl had me copy on paper the names of people I had harmed (Step Eight) and prepare to start making amends (Step Nine), of course, asking which ones were appropriate as weeks passed.  Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve were briefly discussed and I was sent home.

Not much changed right away, except Carl made sure I found a job, but that next summer, I had an amazing release for that dreadful mental obsession, and it has yet to return — “If I should drink” has been removed from my emotional vocabulary!

Apparently, I have had a personality change sufficient to recover from the mental obsession. I believe I will remain free so long as I practice the essence of AA: “Out of self—Into God—Into others”

By Bob S.