Harboring Resentments

It’s Never Too Late To Learn

Do you want to get the most out of “your wonderful human machine” or are you one of those people who are satisfied with mere sobriety? To get the most we must learn to be very critical of how much happiness we are “buying” with our thinking.

Resentments are negative thoughts and you do not “buy” happiness with negative thoughts. Examine the resentments that you hold at the present time using our AA prayer as a yardstick: “Grant me Almighty God, the serenity to accept that which I cannot change; the courage to change that which I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Most of us who have been in AA for any length of time realize that we of ourselves cannot change another man unless that man is first willing to be changed. Clashes between various personalities have at different times resulted in bitter resentments on both sides. Are these bitter resentments necessary?

Why is it that when some men have a resentment against another man or against another group that they want to “sell” the resentment to anybody who will listen? In our little AA prayer we ask Almighty God for the serenity to accept that which we cannot change. Can we change other personalities through bitter resentment? Are we living the 24-Hour Program when we harbor resentments for weeks at a time? Are we sincere when we ask our Higher Power for the serenity to accept that which we cannot change and then in the next breath spread BITTER RESENTMENT.

It is very possible that those of us who have been harboring resentments also have a different conception of our AA prayer than that which has just been stated. What of it? It’s never too late to learn. Every day is New Year’s Day! If placing “personalities” in that same category with other things which cannot be changed will help us to overcome our resentments then it is certainly worth a try. Think it over seriously. Don’t be one of those people who are always ready to say “It can’t be done.”

Why is it that sometimes we do not realize that there are no perfect people? If we would but accept other people’s ideas in that light we would not be so apt to declare war on some other individual or group of individuals who wanted to try a different approach to some problem than we did.

Why is it that we will defend some of our own silly ideas long after we know that the other man has a better approach to the problem? Humility is a very necessary ingredient if we want our thinking to “buy” the most happiness. Do we have humility? If you have resentments and especially if you have been trying to “sell” them to others it might be well to re-check the quality of your HUMILITY.

When dealing with other people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. And if you want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across the years to come, just indulge in a little stinging criticism – no matter how certain you are it is justified.

By The Thought Starter, Central Bulletin, April 1947