Decision of the Mind

After barely escaping a trip to the Indiana State Penal Farm for drunken misbehavior, I quit drinking forever – I was nineteen years old. Then, when I was twenty years old I quit drinking forever . . . and the same decision-of-the-mind took place at least once a year for the next twenty-four years. Losing job after job coupled with many weekend trips to the hoosegow only made my decision-of- the-mind all the stronger, but yet nothing changed except different cities. Whether it was Los Angeles, San Francisco, The New Orleans French Quarter, or the Florida Palm Beaches, my dry periods usually lasted only weeks or a few months at the most.

I tried some of the “quitting drinking” methods mentioned on page 31, plus drinking high protein milkshakes; eating of all sorts of health foods; tossing the Lucky Strikes away; playing handball; swimming; lifting weights at the local YMCA and walking through the woods. Consequently, I began to feel full of energy and absolutely wonderful! One of these health episodes lasted for six months before I flopped.

What was wrong with my decision-of-the-mind? I have come to believe that although my problem was in my conscious mind, it was also lurking – unbeknownst to me – in my subconscious mind, as well. All the time I was sober and feeling confident never to drink again, a hidden deep-down-devil was lamenting: “The day will come when we can drink again!” And perhaps the evil one added: “And it may be tonight!!” So my real problem existed in a place I could not comprehend or do anything about – in my unapproachable inner subconscious self. Someone said: “Self cannot rid self of self with self, so we have to find a power greater self to solve our drinking problem.”

Of course, I didn’t know this when I came to AA, but when I asked God for help via the Twelve Step program of action. He miraculously changed both my conscious and subconscious mind to where I can see and act on the truth in drink each and every time. The mental obsession devil has all but disappeared and I haven’t had to drink since my AA first meeting. This took place many years ago.

By Bob S., Richmond, Indiana